Green Apple Splatters

DQ

2007-03-14T22:18:00.000-04:00

DQ has a pretty funny commercial out right now. Actually it's pretty dumb, but I laugh every time I see it.
It's about this hot chicken sandwich that they now have and three co-workers are trying not to breath outward for fear of shooting fire out of their mouths. Then by accident they start to breath out and talking and proceed to shoot fire at each other and one guy is like "Help me! How do I stop this?" and the other co-worker is like "Stop talking!!" It's supid but, honestly, every time I see it it makes me laugh and laugh.

On a very exciting note, Jess is coming home from Med School in England on June 27th to start her internship at Queens, and I'm very excited!
Thank you.

Oh, and facebook is freaky.

2007-03-08T20:32:00.000-05:00

fuck it's march.

if you see someone coming out of the washroom at work with a newspaper, turn around and find another place to go. Like a sink in the kitchen.
When I leave for work at 7:15 or 8am, I still arrive at the same time
I had more bullet points but I can't remember. Work is making me very dead inside (not just half dead, fully dead).
If you write random things in work emails and no one says anything, they aren't reading your emails, especially if you refer to your male co-worker as Susan.

Oh facts of life

2007-02-26T20:48:00.000-05:00

It was the hurrican episode of the Facts of life!!!

Almost as good as the episode where Tootie isthisclose to becoming a hooker. That was sweet. It only took 20 minutes to convert her from a 'nice girl' to a lady of the night.

Anyhoo-In the Florida spring break episode Blair falls in love with a handy man, Natalie gets none, Tootie gets drunk on Whiskey sours and picks up a dude with a pipe and JO gets Michael Damien (you know, the singer dude from the Young and the Restless, who left the Y&R for a singing career and then came back after he failed).
He was wearing a sash of bullets, which seemed weird and random, but I guess it was the eighties...no, it was just plain stupid.
He loved Jo and Jo loved him. He sang her bad songs that Tootie and the pipe dude danced to.

Again, Nat got nothing. Poor Nat.

Blair also continued her thing for working class men. Janitor from Florida, George during the "Over Our Heads" phase, good times.

Weird

2007-02-23T20:26:00.000-05:00

Hearing "Blister in the Sun" play during Wendy's commercials.
I know a lot of songs have been used for commercials ; Start me Up for Windows, Revolution for Nike, which is not a good thing, but well, sort of expected from Michael Jackson whom owned the rights for Revolution, and well, the Rolling Stones never claimed to be anything other than Rock and Roll and that's all about sex and drugs and to get that stuff you need money.
Anyhoo, a song about masturbation for a fast food joint is a liiiittttlllleee odd. Or at least, kind of, I think.
However, I suppose when you really look at it, greasy food, greasy dirty parts, I guess go hand in hand, pun possibly intended...

Smile

2007-02-21T21:29:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I don't walk around with a smile on my face. Sometimes I laugh out loud at funny things I'm thinking about, but in general, I don't walk around like some smiley asshole.
So you know what, don't fucking to tell me to smile as I walk by you. If I wanted to fucking smile, I would. I am able, I just don't WANT TO.

Also, please for the love of GOD please say what you mean when you're explaining something to me, don't say everything but what you mean. JEBUS!!! And how you can make the word 'next' and 'less' sound exactly the same I have no idea, but it ain't cool and is VERY confusing.

I've had a bit of a day...a nasty case of the reds if you will. (From Breakfast At Tiffany's, not a visitor that brings the noise)

2007-02-19T22:01:00.000-05:00

I do believe that people have a huge problem with listening. HUGE.
If I tell you something, AFTER YOU'VE ASKED ME, please don't ask the same thing more less than a minute later, or state something that pertains to what I've told you, yet you can't process it and fork it up for everyone else.

I understand if you forget and re-confirm soemthing, or say that you forget and reask, but don't forking get me in trouble because you didn't LISTEN TO THE ANSWER OF THE QUESTION YOU ASKED.

Thank you.

Shoes

2007-01-25T19:51:00.000-05:00

Note:
When I go in early to work I am not going in for fun, I do not go into work two hours early for the joy of getting up extra early (even though I know I will be staying four hours after work as well), I especially don't go in to chat about home decor. I GO IN TO WORK. Thank you.

Also, when you wear shoes to work I recommend keeping them on. Please don't take them off during a presentation and put your feet up on a chair so we can all see your knee high nylon clad toes, don't take them off and them walk around the office, you know it's not hygenic, (it has the potential to smell bad) and it's kind gross. Also, I think it's a tad rude.

so cold

2007-01-23T20:21:00.000-05:00

saw a Raptor's game, they won, but you know what? There was no forking half time show. Which I found so bizarre as there was dancing between plays. However, I don't think we missed much. The Raptor Pak wasn't so good.

Had a turkey party on Saturday, and the only way to eat turkey is to brine it first. It makes it so juicy. Almost juicy enough to that it'll dribble down your chin and make splats on your dress shirt.

Just watching American Idol auditions and this guy guy is singing a song dedicated to his girlfriend, and we're convinced he killed his girlfriend. It's a scary song.

Another commercial I'm loving

2007-01-18T21:49:00.000-05:00

The Geico commercial that has Little Richard 'interpratating' the story as told by a real commercial.
It's pretty forking funny.
I'll try and find it on youtube or something.

2nd best picture ever

2007-01-18T21:42:00.000-05:00

This little dude looks like my little neighbor that I used to babysit. His brother agrees. Older brother said if the kid in the picture was exposing his sloping cranium (if he had a sloping forehead-younger brother has a huge ass head) their momma would mistakingly kiss him goodnight.
By the by, Graham was the first diaper I changed while babysitting, and I had to call my mom over because there was so much corn and peanuts I thought I was going to pass out. So I left him on his bed giggling away whilst I gagged repeatedly and tried to call my mom over.

Best picture ever

2007-01-17T21:06:00.000-05:00

You know, I've never watched or even liked American Idol, however, and I really don't know why, but I'm excited for it this year.
Weird.
I've watched the audition portion of the show before though, and I believe that this picture sums up why I do like auditions (it should be captioned) "Buhhh, mmmhhhhuuuuhhh, buh."
This person is watching someone react to their critique just before she goes in for her audition. As Jason ranted in the hallway, the producers executed the night's finest bit of camerawork, panning to fellow contestant Brenna Kyner, whose facial expression was a mixture of horror, befuddlement, and perhaps just a trace of amusement. No, Brenna couldn't sing to save her life either, but the self-declared biggest fan of Idol knows train-wreck TV when she's staring at it.

What I did for summer vacation

2007-01-17T21:04:00.000-05:00

When people ask you at work what you're listening to on your MP3 player, don't tell them Rick Astley.

...you get weird looks...

I always knew I was special

2007-01-11T19:57:00.000-05:00

Today I had to split up some charts into groups, and they were not labelled. SO I asked a co-worker how I would know what chart's went where. She told me to look at it and I'd know. She held up the group of charts, and said "look at the first page and you'll know"
OOOOHHHHHH, if I knew that just looking at the front page would tell me where the charts went I wouldn't have asked your crazy ass.

He's still talking about it,

2007-01-09T20:25:00.000-05:00

So, this morning I heard Bill Gates talking at the Las Vegas gadget convention this morning on the news, and then driving home tonight, I heard Steve Jobs talking at the Mac convention. All I have to say is that those PC/Mac (old guy/young hip dud) commercials are pretty accurate.

Huzzy is still blabbering away in the closet, I think it's time to use the claw end of the hammer.

MAC Phone

2007-01-09T20:15:00.000-05:00

Just showed a picture of the Mac iphone to my husband and he nearly lost his shit. He was so excited he is now sitting on a napkin.
He started to talk, I mean blabber, about it, however Degrassi TNG is on and I had to shut his party down. Anywhoo, if no one hears from Matt in awhile it's because I shoved him unconcious into a closet. I blame the hammer for the unconcious part, not me.
Someone is getting stabbed on Degrassi and Emma is loosing her it to her boyfriend (if she doesn't puke on him-oh, there she goes).

I remember a good time when Gowan was the only music allowed to be played on the show. Gowan, and The Zit Remedy.

Post Script-Emma isn't going to end up like her mama, no peepee in her vajayjay.

And also-How I Met Your Mother is a really funny show.

Oh oh, not JT!!! Actually, who cares JT?

I know it's wrong to laugh..

2007-01-08T20:48:00.000-05:00

Really, I'm horrified at the mother, and then praise buddha that I have a double chin, because if I'm ever in this situation, I'll survive.

The Trade and The Beard-Ensure sound

2007-01-08T20:35:00.000-05:00

http://www.skittles.com/advertising/index.jsp

http://www.skittles.com/advertising/index.jsp

Ummmm, these might link to the same thing, skittles advertising, but two of my favourite commercials this year are here.
The first one is called 'The Trade" and the second one is "The Beard" (they've changed the beard abit, the beard used to say ''mmmmmmm" and now it doesn't)

To round out my other favourite commercials of 2006 are "Ranch" for Wendy's and one for nutrigrain bars, with some puppet slapping someone that they love. I can't find links for them, because I haven't looked....

2007-01-07T19:31:00.000-05:00

We , were out three nights this past weekend. We are animals.
Saw the Marlies play and they lost.

So, why is coffee such a topic at the work place? I have somewhere to go with this, but don't feel like it now.
Just thought I would update my blog.

New job

2007-01-04T18:50:00.000-05:00

So, started a new job. There's some fun times my friend.
I had to wait almost two hours for someone to pick me up in the lobby on my first day, the person training me doesn't want to be training me. When I ask a question they freak out, and couldn't get a key board because they weren't sure if they could order one. Le sigh.

Anyhoo, watching "fixing dinner' and there's a dutch family on right now, and I love the accents. All I can picture is Gold Member.

You know, I enjoy Scrubs too.

My ear wax is crackly in my ear.

My husbands pants are ripped in the rear end and he has no beard to wrap around it.

January is not a good time to start a new job, everyone has the January blues and holiday let down and the don't want to acknowlege a new person who might need a bit of effort, and really I don't blame them. However, I spent December training someone, also by the by not a good time to start a job (but at least you get to go to a lot of parties).

All I have to say is TGIF Ms. Shoemaker (for tomorrow).

Oh, and Lindsey Lohan is in the hospital, lets all send her positive thoughts shall we? Word.

2007-01-04T18:49:00.000-05:00

HI TROY.
YES, WE STAYED AT HOME ON THE 31ST.

2007-01-01T10:52:00.000-05:00

Go immediatly and rent Little Miss Sunshine.
So good.

New Years

2006-12-31T17:09:00.000-05:00

Spending a very causal day today.
Mattarooni and I are learning to cook Indian food, and we're going to spoil ourselves for dinner that we make with our own blood, sweat and anal droppings.
We woke up today and had coffee and Baileys that we took in travel mugs and went grocery shopping with!! How crazy our we? I'll buy a pen and leave the cap off of it, or I'll eat youghurt with a day old experation, THAT'S HOW CRAZY!!!
We also bought some Hagen Das, it was super cheap for TODAY only. We bought the Mayan chocolate, so that'll tie in nicely with our spicy dinner. Hagen Daas was created by an American, he marketed it under an European sounding name so people would spend more on it. Clever.
When we came home we baked some cookies, and something called Blueberry Dreams that I got in a jar from the Dish for Christmas (it's that thing where you put all of the dry ingridents in a jar, and they layer nicely, and you give it to someone with the directions on how to cook it). Well let me tell you they are fucking DELISH.
While cooking them we had something called Bailey's Comet, and they were fucking delish too.
Now we're watching Lady in the Water, and it's really good. I don't know why it didn't do better.
Oh yeah, and we bought some bath products at the SoapWorks(.com) and that shit smells something good.
Matt keeps reading over my shoulder, and correcting my grammer, and he can go fuck himself (yes, Matt, you read that right). I mean I love you.
So, yes, my life is fairly mundane today, but I need to keep it mellow, my liver can't take my previous life any more.

Beatrice Arthur, want to be with you

2006-12-31T17:08:00.000-05:00

Mr. T and Chuck Norris walk into a bar. It instantly explodes.
The bar cannot contain their awesomeness.

On his birthday

2006-12-28T19:34:00.000-05:00

Chuck Norris picks one lucky child and throws them into the sun.

Gonna watch some Chuck Norris tonight, got a box set for christmas. 5 whole dvd's of Chuck Norris goodness.

That is all pig.

Cuba and Mattarooni are good to me

2006-12-27T21:05:00.000-05:00

it's been a while, but I'll be back soon.
Want to re-format, want to post some wedding photos, I'm off this week before I start a new job.

The only explanation

2006-01-24T19:35:00.000-05:00

...is that he's an alchoholic and he doesn't even know he made it....

Hooked on a Feeling - Starring Knight Rider

This is almost as good as my show with Beatrice Arthur as the muscle, Don Knotts as the brain and Dom Delouise as the comic relief!

Who Knew?

2005-12-14T16:24:00.000-05:00

Who knew that my year book sign off would come true?

"Most likely to associate with crack heads"

As of right now they've broken into our car AND run down our backyard fence. Pretty close I'd say. We're not waiting around to find out if I start hanging out with them, thank you very much.

It's funny-

2005-12-03T09:18:00.000-05:00

No matter how old you get, a day with your mom can make you feel like a child again (and you sometimes, it's caught on film...)

(I love my parents a WHOLE bunch and am ever so lucky to have them, but you know...)

So sometimes, you do bad things because you're rebelling...

Things I've learned

2005-10-26T20:04:00.000-04:00

If a woman's name starts with an "A" it's most likely not the name Antonio. And if you call her Antonio for two days it might not go over will. Next time I'll stick with calling her "Dude"
Registering for wedding gifts is fucking fun. Take that coffee maker witht the zappy gun!!! Pewpewpew.
If you tell someone that you bleed from the anus, you'll get bumped up to executive class.
Sometimes it's ok to laugh at people. Especially if they are at the gym and their cardio workout consists of running like Linus dancing from Charlie Brown. It was the oddest thing, and I had a lot of trouble not laughing.
If your weekend consists of going to sleep at 9.30 on Friday night and playing Scrabble on Saturday night-it's ok. It really is. Just the next time you are up late you need to take a picture of yourself beside a clock to prove you're still cool.
I don't think I've learned anything else. Ever.

hmmm...I call this one "Hi Guys, can I come too?"

2005-10-18T19:51:00.000-04:00

So, I'm kind of lazy when it comes to learning computer stuff, because A) I have Nerd, and B) I kind of don't care...you heard me.

So I don't think I'll create a flickr account, however, maybe Nerd will. That way my peps can see our friends wedding pictures and mendi stuff easily enough.
Or, I'll just randomly post unrelated pictures on my posts.

my new fav. crazy commercial

2005-10-17T23:40:00.000-04:00

I still love the Wendy's commercial, RANCH, ranch RANCH!!!!
However, I have a new fav-it's really sort of creepy, and it freaked me out a bit. But in a good way, like the burger king commercial where the "King" just shows up where ever and hands people shit. IE, it's a man in with a LARGE plastic head who gives you a burger called the mega meat tower.
So, now, there's a new commercial for Nutra Grain bars, and it's a guy on a couch talking to a puppet, who is angry and has a strong accent and he yells a lot. I LOVE IT! Love it.

Finally!

2005-10-17T22:30:00.000-04:00

Have had a whirlwind of a month, been to a mendi a wedding, to an amazing resort-
The Dish and I wore sari's which was cool, wore our dresses to the wedding, which was scary, however it wasn't as scary as wearing a high heels on wet rocks to get to the dock for the ceremony!!!!
Crazy man.

So the wedding and it's setting was beautiful and amazing, the fall colours are breath taking.

I'm really tired, so this entry sucks, but one thing I'll write about next time is a very, very funny incident with two people pushing each other over in their chairs. Neither lost their drink though.

My fingers are beef jerky

2005-10-02T20:56:00.000-04:00

Went to a Mendi last night, and was amazing.
We wore sari's, had our hands done with henna-ate great food. met a lot of Umleut's family-
it was so different then anything I've ever been too, and it was really great to see something like this, and get to experience it, and be invited in to participate in it.

Some of the henna took very dark to my fingers, and the tips of my fingers look like beef jerky.

Just finished up the last ofthe Naan's-but my mouth is still burning from the rice and chicken that Umleut sent us home with! So yummy, so burny!

Sample conversation

2005-08-30T21:44:00.000-04:00

Nerd "I love you"

(hugging commences)

Me "You're sweaty"

Nerd "You have to live with me for the rest of your life"

Shit yo, keeping it real, getting engaged and the like

2005-08-15T19:52:00.000-04:00

So Mattastic and I are engaged! Holy fucking engaged!!!!
I can't believe it, but I'm too distracted by my shiny finger...
Matt's blog is much better articulated, so check out this link, but I'm going to answer some FAQ.
http://www.smooshspace.com/weblog/archive/000623.html#000623

I'm not pregnant
We're thinking October 2006
I like Nutella
Matt was not drunk or have a shotgun pointed at him
Matt is BRAVE (my mom says so)
I've rediscovered hotdogs (the hoofs and lips kind, not the ass and foreskin kind)
I'm beyond excited and ever so happy
Our children will have freakishly large heads
I'm not pregnant, it's a pot belly I swear
I couldn't be spending my life with a more understanding, generous, smart, beautiful, smart, smells like warm butter and has the softest skin ever!!!! man. I could however learn a fucking lot from him.
The top picture is us running from cover from Mothra.

Matt, you fucking rock some serious ass. Word.

man alive in tucson AZ

2005-08-10T11:33:00.000-04:00

GUESS WHAT BLOODY SONG I HEARD THIS MORNING BEFORE WORK?

GUESS WHAT SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD, AND IT DOES NOT SOUND BETTER THAN IT DID YESTERDAY?

GREAT WILLIAMS CORN COB PIPE- I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME POOP MY SELF IN (LET'S PRETEND I ALREADY DON'T.)

Two post's in one day.

2005-08-09T16:26:00.000-04:00

I know some people who aren’t so much into the greeting hug, they will accept the goodbye hug, but only if it’s initiated by the other person. I thought it would be a good idea for this person to shove the greeter hugger down to the floor and force them to stay there (with kicks if you please). I do believe she’s seriously considering it, the stress of greeting people who may or may not touch her is really getting to her. I don’t really care, I’ve never been much for hugging or invasions of my precious personal space, but I’ll take a hug if I must. A few friends are just so lovely I have to. However there are a few persons I would body slam to the ground with out even blinking.

Well! Last night I got a greeting hug and kiss from Browntastic (which wasn’t too huge surprise because last time I saw him I was super drunk and amused him to no end so he was showing that he was pleased with me, I’m thinking [DANCE MONKEY]).

I so desperately wish my non-hugging pal had seen it, because just for show, I would’ve pile drived him into the beach. You know, just for show. It’s weird though, he always hugs me hello, and I’m always surprised, but the kiss on the cheek didn’t faze me one bit!

This weekend I was so tired, took Grammy to get her head stapled and it took a while, that at one point on the weekend, I tried to make the sound of two balls, as in testicles, rattling back and forth, and it more sounded like dominion’s falling than a good old fashioned rattling. It made me laugh for about 20 minutes straight. I was laughing so hard at the bizarre sound I made, that was so way off from what possibly should have sounded like two bolts rattling in a coffee tin, it hurt my tummy and tears were pouring out of my eyes. I am, however, fairly certain that I would have laughed just as hard if I wasn’t going on 3 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period.

2005-08-09T16:15:00.000-04:00

I have the worst song stuck in my head. I’m fairly certain that it may cause me to swerve into on coming traffic. I daren’t speak its poison name-however in hopes of getting it out of my head- I’m spewing it out like the contemptible bile that it is.

“Having a Party” by Shania Twain and Mark McGraff.

Oh, it did no good; it’s still looping along with visuals of the video with Shania’s weird mullet and McGraff’s stupid face.

Last night I played volleyball, and didn’t get a ticket, nor smash in stupid Foul Face’s face. We had a lot of people show up (so I could avoid Foul Face), including the adorable Lester (Whose boyfriend is Earp, and I thought he called today, but he didn’t, it was just weird ol’, soon to be dad Goliath).

Lester made a friend.

Lester made a friend that scared us and invited himself out to drinks with us after our game.

Lester will pay.

Oh TLC

2005-08-01T11:47:00.000-04:00

Simcoe Day and I'm watching TLC, second chances, and it's so creepy- and uncomfortable and weird.
Meeting the bearded lady for lunch, and then off to buy pillows.
Fuck, this entry sucks, and the lady on TLC is wearing a horrible fur wrap-in the desert...

it feels good to feel safe

2005-07-30T09:48:00.000-04:00

You know, just so I remember.
Plus, I'm enjoying uploading, and I'm about to watch Felicity. My new Saturday morning ritual. Wake up at 7ish, read a bit, clean up a bit, drink coffee, watch Felcity and then start my day.

Nerd on the Couch

2005-07-30T09:39:00.000-04:00

So, Nerd is lying on the couch, braiding the fring on the cotton blanket-and his hair is standing on end from sleep, and he's been looking after me and my bad stomach and he's cute and lovely and nice, and I love him.

2005-07-25T22:56:00.000-04:00

Well, I'll be a motherfuckers beard.
When you play volley ball the objective of the game is to get the ball over the net. Huh. Well, I never would have known that. I thought the purpose of the game was to serve the ball into the person standing in front of you back, or out of bounds.
My sincerest apologies to the competive shitass magee who let me know that repeatly. Clearly I wasn't learning my lesson, or, more to the point I wasn't getting the ball over the net on purpose. 'Cause you know, that's what I enjoy. Not playing well and being repremended by my own team mate in a rec league that I pay to be in, and race to get to the other fucking end of the city in rush hour...Yup, good, fun times.

I also got speeding ticket tonight-that I may have to fight so my insurance doesn't go up. I've been driving 14 years, not accidents, no tickets, nothing, and one speeding ticket may send my insurance soaring. My insurance doubled a couple of years ago, for no reason that I'm aware of, because with no accidents, uninterupted insurance and no tickets indicates a high risk.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I'm feeling much better after my awful ass hang over yesterday. Thank fucking hell it wasn't as hot yesterday. Nothing is worse than sweaty barf time.

ok...but i like rocky road too.

2005-07-19T22:31:00.000-04:00

You Are Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

You are kind, popular, and generous.
You tend to be successful at anything you try.
A social butterfly, you are great at entertaining a crowd.
You are most compatible with strawberry ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Ralph Malph

2005-07-19T22:06:00.000-04:00

Our Fed-Ex guy looks like Ralph Malph. Except with silver hair, so I guess he looks like Ralph Malph in present day. He's really goofy too. In a good way.

I've also decided the TVP and me will kill me and any one with in a ten km of me.

Saw the Garbonzo Bean today, it's been a couple of weeks, and she looks totally different than the first time, and she shit really, really loud. She makes the funniest expressions too. Pooping or not.

I'm also waiting for the world to explode in this heat, although I'm guessing their won't be enough conbustable energy to do so.

I went to the best Shoppers ever, it has Sweet Heart (from Aussie) and Pupa-although I have to say I'm outraged at their Pupa prices. I bought a few mascara's in Italy for maybe 10 Cnd. dollars, but here, for one, they're 25.00!
However, I can also get Smashbox there with Optimum poiints! yIPPEEEE.

I had an epiphany

2005-07-08T21:06:00.000-04:00

So I kind of had an odd epiphany today, men at work, any place that people work, can see each other's peepee's.
Nerd says that men don't look at each other, and you always go to the furthest urinal from the person pissing, and NO TALKING, no talking and no talking.
All I can picture though is 'John' walking into a bathroom, saying hello to his coworker, and the coworker turning around with his dick in his hand to say hi and there you go, you've seen it. Or you know, when you walk by, you kind of see it, or you don't tuck it in quick enough, or you're shaking it off and it slaps against your thigh...
I thought I might just (as my roommate says with alarming frequency) pinch a loaf into the large recycling bin just to share in the the flashing of penis.
I don't know, maybe it's the lack of sleep talking, or maybe it's because my fart came out lumpy that I've decided that shitting in a recycle bin would be a good idea.

Basically though, my point is that men walk around seeing each other's penis's and it's not a pig deal, but if a woman farts in the loo, the whole office will know.

But I don't want to be a Pirate! (Ok, knight. I'd much rather be a NINJA!)

2005-07-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

a Knight
You scored 4 Honor, 10 Justice, 5 Adventure, and 4 Individuality!

The whole 'protect the innocent, for the Divine and Country" really appeals to you. You're rather go forward that around the side and you're comfortable with traditional values.

Strap on a sword and wear your armor proud. You'll do just fine.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-07-01T12:59:00.000-04:00

MAGNUM PI IS IN TOWN, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGOD.
MAGNUM.
PI
IS
IN
TOWN.
MERE KM'S DOWN THE ROAD FROM MY BATHROOM AREA!!!!!!!!

2005-06-17T20:08:00.000-04:00

this is a colour I like to call clot.

2005-06-17T20:03:00.000-04:00

CONVERSATION OVERHEARD TWO SECONDS AGO IN OUR LIVING ROOM:

"that's so weird, the guy who sweats gravy has such a pretty girlfriend"
"they are married now"
"he must be a good lover"
"he likes to do her up the ass, cum on her ass and then slap it to make it messy"
"baby!"
"that's what he told me, I didn't make it up"
"riiiggghhhhttttt".

That's some good conversation.

2005-06-17T20:01:00.000-04:00

LOOK WHAT i CAN DO.

2005-06-17T19:52:00.000-04:00

Wren had her beautiful, beautiful daughther.
She's gorgeous and tiny and perfect.
She smells good and now goes poo.
I love how she flings her hands over her head to sleep.
Wren seems good. Only 1% tear! Good work Wren!!!!!!! You've done an awesome job of baby birthin'.

2005-06-17T19:49:00.000-04:00

Donny Osmond really, really annoys me.

i am attempting however..

2005-06-15T22:52:00.000-04:00

to put the right prompts into google imagas, and for my name, a picture of nerd came up (!!!!!), pictures that I emailed to future doctors came up as well (!!!!!) as did pictures of the wolf that feed children from her tet and was the protector of the walled hill town where I went to school in Italy...interesting. Also, for Loba, a wine glass came up and in fact, I'm enjoying a glass right now.

how am I going to make this work?

2005-06-15T22:42:00.000-04:00

yeah, I give up.
I can't figure out the google image blog.
It's time to break out the nerd.

so hot

2005-06-14T20:58:00.000-04:00

it's so hot! Actually it's not AS hot tonight, due to the fact that the city is being surrounded by tornado's so we're getting some storms and it's cutting the humidity. I've had heat rashes. Today I looked like I had a big, bright red mustache. It was this huge bizzare strip-and I had one on my chest earlier. The air conditioner at the factory doesn't work and there's a huge doughnut order that has to go out yesterday. Shit yo it sucks.
So-Nerd and I are living together, and the transition has been so smooth it's been so easy...Except for me torturing Nerd to keep the fridge closed. It's been too hot and the fridge can't keep anything cold and Nerd has a charming habit of opening the fridge door, staring into the fridge, turning around and making a five course meal (whilst the fridge is open) and then decides if he wants anything in it or not. This is done every twenty or so minutes. Even though it's 40 degrees out and the milk has already curdled....but you know I love him big heaps. The trick is to have him keep loving me and not letting my craziness drive him insane(r) and into the basement digging a whole to shove me in.

So, we had a house warming (or fucking house sweat lodge) this past weekend, and we have some lovely, generous friends and family who drove from far and wide to celebrate Nerd shoving me in a hole/him moving to the big city because he has a spectacular ass and you know he'll make some sweet, sweet coin with it. Some had to huddle around fans, some were ok outside, I just needed an ice bath-it was great though. We got some great house warming gifts which I must send out thank you cards/calls for!

Right now I'm sticky with vitamin E gel, hoping my rash doesn't turn into his beard. So, you know, I need to go and unstick my face from the wall.

oops, I meant to pass this on but I can't do it the correctly, so these people should just cut and paste it to their blog. Yes, I'm advanced

2005-06-08T09:56:00.000-04:00

Brown Eyed Wren
Smoosh
Switzers
Future Doctor
and Troy again.

You can link to them in my index. I can't do it. Me is the stupid kid.

book meme

2005-06-08T09:48:00.000-04:00

Booked! Meme
12:02 PM
I’m going to try and keep this meme going-I don’t really know how to link people, nor do I really know that many bloggers I can tag (although I do enjoy spray painting random people)

How Many Books Do You Own?
Maybe 150, I’ve recently moved, and decided to trim down on a few and this doesn’t include my university books that I have and occasionally look at (or spit in their general direction)

What is the Last Book You Bought?
I think it was The Stupidest Angel-A Tale of Christmas Terror by Christopher Moore for Nerd. He hasn’t really celebrated Christmas until this year, so I thought that book would be a nice segue way into what he’s missed. You know, the walking dead (I guess that’s more Easter, but whatev G.) Santa being murdered, Azerial coming to Earth, a crazy lady with a sword and a bar owner with a metal hip…
I bought Dress Your Family in Corduroy at the same time, by David Sedaris (for me)

What is the Last Book You Read?
I sometimes have a few books on the go-and lately I’ve been re-reading stuff: Although I did read The Curious Incident of the Dog just a couple of months ago (new). I’ve been re-reading Take the Cannoli by Sarah Vowell and Kick Me by Paul Feig (they have new books coming out, or Vowell’s is already out-Assassination Vacation and Feig’s Superstud, or How I Became a 24 yr. old Virgin is coming soon). I also want to read the Sex Lives of Cannibals by J. Maartan Troust, so I may just have to do a bulk order from Chapters.
I have this thing for British fluff too-I don’t know why, I think it’s because I’ve traveled around the isle of Britain and I loved it, and when reading these books (like by Marion Keyes) I can totally recall meeting people like this and say I’ve been to that tube stop, etc. I just finished something by Jane Green but can’t remember the title.

Name five books that mean a lot to you.

Who has Seen the Wind-W.O. Mitchell- my dad grew up on a farm, and he got me this book for Christmas one year, W.O Mitchell meant a lot to him, and in turn I can appreciate that book all the more.

Lamb, The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal-Christopher Moore: it is a book that made me laugh out loud so many times, and bawl at the end of it. It was so clever and funny, and well researched, it made me sort of wish I paid more attention in Sunday school-SORT OF. I always recommend this book to people, over and over again.

Cider House Rules-John Irving: My brother recommended this book, and he never, ever, ever reads, seriously folks-never. So when he tossed it in my room one day, and grunted I should read it, I was all over it. I used to read it on the subway going to Uni, and a crazy guy started talking to me once about how thick it was and I sure must like reading, and he spoke for about 15 minutes, and then asked me what meatloaf was. I got off a few stops early-but the book was excellent.

Anything Calvin and Hobbs and books by Gordon Korman-again, because for birthdays and Christmas my dad would give me these (Calvin and Hobbs), and I spend Christmas morning by the fire reading them, and just feeling safe and warm and loved, and then my dad would borrow them and get coffee and brandy all over them. And Gordon Korman books, because one summer I just read all of his books and ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and it’s a strong, warm memory.

Eva Luna-Isabel Allende: It was the first book of hers that I read, and since I read that one, I’ve read all of her books, and starting reading other South American authors. The one’s that I have read tend to have this style that’s distinctive and addictive to read. This book was a present from my surrogate family whom I miss and don’t get to see nearly enough, and Eva Luna reminds me off this amazing time in my life when I was learning so much and experiencing so many new things, and this book was a bit of a gate way into that.

There are so many other books that I want to mention, read, buy-so many good books our there…so hard to narrow it down. All of the above mentioned books have so many great memories associated with them, that in part it’s as much as the book as it is the memories they conjure up and remind my where I was in that point in my life and why I was reading those books and what they meant to me.

Augustine Burrows rocks ass too. I think his childhood memoir, Running with Scissors is being made into movies. I also adore the poet Edna St. Vincent Millay, and her biography Savage Beauty is unprecidented (the research and insite and never before published poems is mind boggling.)

Interesting things on a quiet Friday night

2005-06-03T22:47:00.000-04:00

*Nerd says my sunglasses look like welding goggles.
*Nerd is so quiet and soft spoken because his spectacular ass does his talking
*I can't stop downloading
*King of Kensington is a good show-Scrubs is better.
*Grey's Anatomy plays some really good songs
*Donny Deutsch should not have a show, nor should Nancy Grace
*The Maloof brothers are weird looking, Billy Bob is more weird looking though (those goddamn teeth!)
*The ladies in the Maloof family have some BAD looking plastic surgery.
*I would like to be on 'What Not to Wear"
*I'm mildly dehydrated tonight
*I can't wait for Superstud (Paul Feig)to come out, and to read assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell
*Jem has a great album.
*I'm in search of a good green cardigan (cashmere welcome)
*New brown shoes.
*Nerd looks good in makeup.

2005-06-03T19:20:00.000-04:00

william shatner has some pretty funny fucking commercials, I love the bran one's he's in.
When he's talking to Shelly Belly or hiding behind the water cooler. Yes, it's funny.

Nerd and I just had indian food for dinner. I'm holding my breath until inpending doom day. I think my descending colon will come fast and furious, so I must make sure I'm near a safety zone. A plastic bag will do (if it's reinforced) or our weird neighbor's garden. Their plastic flowers need fertilizer...
I'm going shopping tomorrow. For t-shirts and capris. Then some gardening. Earlier this week Nerd found weed in our garden. I think I may enjoy gardening!

Weddings

2005-06-03T19:08:00.000-04:00

Was at a lovely, lovely wedding last weekend. It seemed perfect for the couple that had it. It was small and intimate, seemed very personal (except for the bride's name being mispronounced...) and low key. Perfect for those two.
There wasn't too much stressing or freaking out, we got a call about a week and a half before it was to take place, and it went off without a hitch. I really liked the setting in the Victoria Gardens. Again, it was lovely, sweet and so nice for the couple and those who shared their day.

I have another friend getting married in the fall (which I'd love to do, October is my favourite month) and it's at a resort up north, and I'm in the wedding party (so excited, my first wedding party!) and the wedding dress is so lovely, the bride is going to be radient. I can't wait for these two people to marry, they are so lovely and such a fun pair.

I'm lucky that so many of my friends are with people who are great, and they can each appreciate each other, and compliment each other, etc.

I flip flop between wedding size and location. I'd like to have a bigger wedding because of ALL THE PRESENTS! I love organizing large events, and again the presents-then again, I would like a down payment for the house over a big wedding...however, my parents had to go to all of their friends children's weddings, so they owe my parents, and I reap the presents!!!!!!! Yes, I am one greddy mofo. Plus Nerd has a huge fucking family so I don't think we could keep it too small even if we wanted to!

I like presents.
presents.

Anywho, lovely wedding last week, simply lovely.

Another conversation, another post

2005-05-30T19:28:00.000-04:00

The other day I was woken up by a loud, long noise.
Gee, my new neighborhood wakes people up with trumpets, I guess I'm going to have to call the city and complain (I've gotten good at that-take that fucking car dealership who blocks our drive and yells at peach, I'll fucking kill you). Or request a song or something...
Anywhooo, this loud, long noise turns out is nerd FARTING!!!!! I thought it was a bleeding trumpet!
Nothing wakes this fucker up either. I've taken to knocking on his head when he snores. It doesn't even phase him- he'll turn his head and keep on sleeping.
So I shook the fuck out of him and he sort of woke up-
"Why/how are your farts so loud????!!!!???"

"Because my ass is spectacular"

There you go folks. Nerd has a spectacular ass. I think I'll see if I can request he play a tune tomorrow.

Nerd in the hizouse

2005-05-27T20:15:00.000-04:00

I barely see him during the week-he's working crazy hours, but on weekends, we be bar-b-quing biotchs!
He has funny hair when he wakes up, like a malting duck. And his ears are super red. A lot of the time he doesn't make sense, but in his waking hours he doens't either.
He also tried to get me back the other day by filming me whilst I slept. I swore up a blue streak something awful and he hasn't done it since. I think it may be because he's still trying to get his ears to stop bleeding. I do however have a very funny one I took when I was happy on martini's and high from telling cabbies crazy stories.

Commercials to love and Hate

2005-05-27T20:05:00.000-04:00

ok, the lubraderm commerical is so fucking stupid I don't even know where to start- there's a girl sitting in a field with nuts falling in her, and by the time it ends, she's up to her fucking shoulders in nuts! Who the fuck would want to buy cream that may or may not induce nuts falling on them? It's not like teabagging falling nuts, it's fucking shea and cocoa nuts! (It would however be fucking hiliarious if it were COCONUTS falling on the stupid lady)

I am however loving the Willy Wonka commercials, Johnny Depp looks so bizzare, those teeth! that voice!, I think I may just have to see that fucking movie! I also love it when Violet comes up to him and says "I'm Violet" and he's like "I don't care". LOVE IT. I also love the fat kid who's like "I LIKE YOUR CHOCOLATE" whilst it sounds like half the bar is lodged in his throat and the other half is smeared on his face (see that? Smeared!).
I also love the commercial for buffalo wings, and it's a spoof on the pyramid word show, and the lady is trying to get the man to say barbque, and he just doesn't get it, and when she finally says the word ends in 'q' and he says "thanque" and that weird smile comes on his face-I fucking love it! LOVE IT.
There's another funny one, but I can't remember it. I do like the VW one with the guy screaming/laughing into a turn on the road.

I think I'm going to make a martini now. A steak is marinating, I'm waiting for Nerd to come home (bloody fucking crappy work hours), and I may just start a new book. (Side bar, Paul Feig is coming out with a new book-yipppeeeeee!)

Nerd's coming early

2005-05-11T16:52:00.000-04:00

A sample conversation with Nerd when I come to bed after he’s already sleeping:

Nerd: I have something to tell you.
Me: Ok….
Nerd:I know why the kitchen is sticky
Me:Ok….
Nerd:I’m the new Pillsbury Dough Boy
Me:Oh.

I have no idea either!

Nerd, here’s to a whole lot more of funny/confusing conversations with you living in Toronto.

Wren and the thing part two

2005-05-04T15:49:00.000-04:00

So I had a bonding moment with Garbanzo, Wren's little farter, yesterday. I got to feel her moving around and kick and squiggle. It was so bizarre, and wonderful, and all around odd! I STILL find it weird that there’s a human in that stomach, not because Wren is going to produce the anti-Christ (I hope), but it just blows me away how we can produce something so magical and wonderful and that they chill out in our belly's (although, I swear sometimes when my tum is bad, I swear a human head is going to pop out-or at least have a tooth and a chunk of hair).

I've had friends who've been pregnant before, but I've never felt their bellies. I've shied away from that for the fact that they have strangers coming up to them all day touching their bellies unsolicited, the last thing they need is another toucher.
Anywhore, it was amazing to feel that little squirmer in there!
I can't wait for that little devil to be vacuumed out (I learned that today, babies can be vacuumed out! Who needs a hospital? I don't, I've got an industrial vacuum!).

And you know it's going to be a devil-I'm hoping crazier than Wren and as tough as Pansy-they'll have the same shaved heads and defined backs.

WHen I wrote it word it twas french script

2005-05-03T14:51:00.000-04:00

So Nerd and I have known each other a year now. A whole freaking year and he hasn’t run off screaming, or I haven’t gotten drunk and ignored his calls!
I say good for us.
He's moving in and I couldn’t be happier, drunken or more pleased about the situation.
He's lovely and patient, and makes me laugh so hard I nearly do a plop in my pants.
Plus he smells like warm butter and puts the A-Team theme song on cd’s for me, so it’s all that much better.
So you know, shit yo, we’re keeping it real and sealing the deal with a sinful pairing of abodes.

I AM NOT REFORMATTING!

2005-05-02T16:57:00.000-04:00

· I’ve decided that I WILL NOT cook with chocolate. It really is too much of a pain and a mess.
· Miss Jenkins fell down the stairs. Her and her vodka.
· I like fish and chips, but I don’t think I’ll ever like fish pie (insert dirty joke here)
· Morning traffic is a SON OF A BITCH.
· Nerd is coming to live with me soon!!! (SON OF A BITCH, I mean YIPEEEEE!!!!)
· My descending colon needs some work.
· I like painting, taping is not so fun.
· Goats cheese makes everything better, as does bacon. Two things I think I’ll start to eat exclusively. I’ll just say I’m on the Atkins meal plan…
· Morning traffic is full of fucktards, and I may have to drive into one of them by accident because they TEXAS TURN INTO MY LANE!!!!!!! AND THEN HONK AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a new day, it's a new world...

2005-04-28T16:49:00.000-04:00

Wren and I wrote a song today-it's titled Doobie Smokin' Super Mullet.
I'll give you a preview, but just a taste, leave you wanting more-

Dobbie Smokin' Super Mullet
Drivin' 'round in his Vaa aannn
Solving crime and combing 'stache
Doobie Smokin' Super Mullet

Getting his cock sucked by juicy Coog
Always matching sweat sock to cut offs
By they causal, dress or lounge
Doobie Smokin' Super Mullet

Wearing track pants to the bar
Elastic or tie waist-they're all easy access:
For excellent dry humpin' by the pool table
Doobie Smokin' Super Mullet

Loading the van with empties of fiddies
You know he's looking fine

For Halloween he's Osama or Creatien,
For Christmas he's beaten his best pal up.
You know for Easter he's in a coma
Doobie Smokin' Super Mullet

He likes his Spike TV and Frozen dinners
Scratching his balls and sniffin' choutah
Liking the ladies to rim with a bit of spice
Doobie Super Smokin' Mullet

Always meaning well, killing the kids hamster anyway
Leaving a path of roaches and dirty wear
Doobie Smokin' Super Mullet
Engineering bongs from nothing
Just like his hero Mister McGuyver
Hot knifing in the kitchen, while
his lady is cookin KD with chopped up wieners
for the kids
Who may or may not belong to Doobie Smokin' Super Mullet.

2005-04-25T15:09:00.000-04:00

SEASON TWO OF MAGNUM PI IS ON DVD.
TWO WHOLE SEASON'S ON DVD GOODNESS.
(BLKAJDLAJLJFAD, THAT'S ME BARFING ON THE GROUND)

2005-04-22T15:37:00.000-04:00

FREE FALL
Sleepers in free-fall position are sociable and bold, and they don't like criticism.

SEA STAR
People who sleep in the sea star position are good listeners who make friends easily.

The above is a combination of how I sleep. The free fall is face down. Sometimes I can’t breath, so that’s when I go into Sea Star. Or when bed hog Nerd gets out of bed, I stretch into a Sea Star, from my precarious position tittering on the edge (literally, not figuratively…well figuratively as well).

I should be doing stuff, but I’m not. That is my story. I think I would like to try blue cheese on my steak.

Also, I really need to stop tooting at work, I’m killing myself in my doughnut cubicle.

I think I'm observant, very observant. Other than that this is kind of accurate...

2005-04-22T15:16:00.000-04:00

ENFP - The Champion
Your Type is 60% Extroverted, 0% Observant, 37% Logical and 43% Structured

Your type is known as the Champion type, which is part of the larger group called idealists. Nothing occurs that does not have some deep and ethical significance in your eyes. You see life as an exciting drama. You are very charismatic, yet tend to be too harsh on yourself for not being as genuine as you think you should be. 3% of the population shares your type.
As a romantic partner, you need to talk about what is going on in your life. You are a strong supporter for your partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. You need to feel that same support from your partner. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, you are eager to enjoy new experiences with your partner, whom you wish to be your confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. You are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process your feelings privately. You feel most loved when your partner appreciates your creativity, accepts your uniqueness, and sees you as the compassionate person you are. You need to hear your partner tell you how much you mean to them and would love if they did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it.
Your group summary: idealists (NF)
Your type summary: ENFP
vincex's shorter version of this test.
My longer version of this same test. The real deal.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 56% on outgoing

You scored higher than 0% on observant

You scored higher than 38% on logical

You scored higher than 65% on structured

Link: The Quick and Dirty Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid

Please, don't smoke!

2005-04-19T11:40:00.000-04:00

Eep! One Lung passed away last week in her apartment, below us…

2005-04-18T14:09:00.000-04:00

So had a nice weekend, lovely really. And a bit bitter sweet.
My parents have moved for the first time in 35 years!!!! It was crazy seeing the house empty, and all the work they put into it, going to some stranger…
Plus my parents were sad too, excited, but sad nonetheless.
Still fighting off a cold.
The weather was really nice.
Nerd and I had fun being extra dramatic. Like the time he pretended to cry when I pretended to kick his bottom but really kicked his tendons behind his patella and he had snot and tears running down his face, he should be an actor. Or the time he pretended to cry when I small pinched him, and he fell down the stairs and snapped his wrist. Yeah, that was funning….
We also went to a bar-b-que, and that was lots of fun. Most of his friends have known each other for over 15 years and have lots of stories to tell and have rememberies about. I don’t know what they are talking about most of the time, but they are nice to hear, and get more background on Nerd and his friends, and find out what makes them tick.
This weekend I thought it might be a good idea to add my two cents to their stories. It generally involved swearing, laughing like a maniac, saying “so’s your face” and Nerd pretending to cry with embarrassment.
However, I know have a bit of a better understanding why one pal, who got a shiny new bike by the way which he showed off at the bar-b-que by going over some sweet jumps, has called me eccentric. It might have something to do with me calling tampons feminine inserts though.
On Sunday we went out for breakfast and ran into Nerd’s nephew on a lovely ladies bike, received a lovely house warming gift from his mom, went for breakfast, and then saw my parents in the Tburg, and then went home for a nap and dinner.
I didn’t know this, but in Tburg, I was walking around with my pants undone and nobody told me! Not just the zipper, but the button as well! Holy cow! Oh, and Nerd gave me a bunch of Haymakers and made my sunglasses crooked, so I deserve a new pair. From him.
When I arrived home late last night, it took forever to go to sleep, and I didn’t know Peach was home until I heard her coughing in her sleep and that was just scary. She should really quit smoking, she’s beginning to sound like One Lung who lives below us!

I can't get the pig I drew posted, but the below is what my drawering of the pig says about me.

2005-04-18T10:20:00.000-04:00

Toward the middle, you are a realist. (that's true)

Facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember dates ie: birthdays, etc. (I sort of remember them, I know the month. If someone forgets mine though, I'll fucking kill them)

With few details, you are emotional and naive, they care little for details and are a risk-taker. (that's not true, I just don't have fine motor skills to draw more details)

With 4 legs showing, they are secure, stubborn, and stick to their ideals. (so's your face)

The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
The bigger the better. You drew large ears, you are a great listener! (ironically I'm going deaf!)

The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life.
And again more is better! You drew large tail, WOW! (ahem)

New Favourite saying

2005-04-18T10:13:00.000-04:00

I have a couple of new favorite expressions. Neither makes much sense, but you know, I’m just keeping it real. It ain’t no big thing G.

“I’m going to fucking kill you”
and
“So’s your face”

They just are funny, I think BECAUSE they don’t make sense. They can be right of out context, and I really believe that is the joy of them. You know, something like

“Could you please pass the jam?”
“I’m going to fucking kill you.”

Or
“I think I’m going to go mail this letter”
“So’s your face”

See? Hysterical.

No air for the wicked.

2005-04-14T10:18:00.000-04:00

At work we’re having trouble again with the heating/cooling system. I found out the reason my section was so cold this winter, so much colder than the rest of the office, our heating/cooling vents don’t work on our half of the building. THEY DON’T WORK. NOTHING COMES OUT OF THEM. NO AIR FLOW. JUST McTAGGERT STANK STUCK IN THE AIR AND UP MY NOSE.
So not only did we freeze this winter, we began to heat up this past week because the cooling system doesn’t work ether. Or corner of the factory was up to 84. I think that’s a violation of some sort. Although I will not complain, I saw the working conditions in India on the Amazing Race on Tuesday and we have it good. Real good!
The lack of air flow, heat and cooling will explain why McTaggert’s overwhelming sent never goes away or gets less pungent as the day goes on. It gets stuck in our corner, and has no where to go except up my nose.

2005-04-13T14:35:00.000-04:00

I tried looking up Luba on allmusic.com, just to see where she was now. Well, apparently after 1989 (probably more likely after 1984) she hasn’t been heard from.
I also looked up Feist, and who popped up instead? El Fiestas. So thus concludes my search today on the Internet.

2005-04-13T14:07:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a bit of a weird day. I, myself, wasn’t feeling weird, actually I was feeling mildly blah, but the events that unfolded in a series of a five minute span was a bit odd.

I was driving away from my parents place, and ahead of me was someone on a bike, on the sidewalk, wearing a cape. A cape. A plaid cape.
I slowed down a bit, and lowered my window and turned down my loud music, and heard: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Weird.

Then I pulled into a plaza to mail some letters, and I heard someone talking about their father who was a survivor of a concentration camp.
It was just such a bizarre juxt of position. Someone, who was at least in their mid-20’s wearing a plaid cape, going downhill on a bike yelling WEEEEEEEEEE, and then a few moments later being startled back into such a stark, horrifying reality of concentration camps and war, and how really, it still goes on today. Different countries, same atrocities.

I don’t know, a little weird I think.

Chisel and pee pee

2005-04-12T16:01:00.000-04:00

I'm bloody sick again!
Last night I woke up repeatedly with my nostrils crusted over with snot and I had to chisel it away so I could sort of breath again. I couldn't reach my kleenex, so I sort of snorted through night, but not easily. I just did not want to move, mainly because I had to pee really badly, and I feared if I made any movement I would pee the bed.
Why didn't I get up?
I was too tired to!
Why was I too tired to?
I couldn't sleep! (Sheesh, you should listen)
I drank some sleepy time tea to calm me down, but I can't do that anymore, I have to pee too much through out the night! On top of the sleepy time tea, I had nyquil. The moment both of them hit, I was all wonky and spacey, and barely made it to bed safely (there's a bit of a stair case to get to my room)
I wish I could've slept all night, it sure felt like I was, but I had to wake up to chisel and pee way too much!

In regards to the previous post...

2005-04-11T15:36:00.000-04:00

I did it again, and I was Miss Piggy (hysterical)! I change one answer...So I did it again, and I was Courtney Love (borderline)...Nice.
Had a good weekend, played Euchre and Texas Hold'em for about 6 hours, and that was super fun.
I'll post later, right now Wren's feet stink so bad, I can't think straight.

I like the picture, but I never thought I was Jesus...it was Biff.

2005-04-11T15:32:00.000-04:00

You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ...

A bit odd and socially isolated.

You couldn't care less of what others think.

And some of your beliefs are a little weird.

Like that time you thought you were Jesus.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

2005-04-11T10:46:00.001-04:00

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!

You drink everyone under the table.

Who's Your Inner European?

Haymaker! (dream maker, heartbreaker...)

2005-04-08T11:29:00.000-04:00

So, last night on The A-Team, Mr. T gave the bad guy a haymaker AND threw him over his head down an airplane aisle. It was the best episode ever (welllll…best episode ever, after the one with Boy George on it, and Boy George was called Cowboy George). It was like Mr. T took a play right out of MY VERY OWN PERSONAL PLAY BOOK!!!!

Another thing that made it the best episode (the Team was on a hijacked plane and Mr. T was in and out of pyhscosis) was that a door was blown off the plane, as well as a window was shot out, and the cabin was all de-pressurized, but, somehow, after the commercial break, The A-Team had fixed it whilst we were being shilled for soap and the spice commercial were the Grandpa tells his grandson that his Grandma married him because he was good at porking her (I’m guess French man style, sous la cour). The A-Team is truly magical! Truly and completely awesome!!

I wish there had been an A-Team/Magnum cross over. Mr. T and T.C could’ve gone clubbin’, The Lads and Murdock could’ve gotten into heaps and heaps of trouble, Amy and Rick probably would’ve hooked up, Rick being so smooth and all. The Face and Magnum would’ve made ALL the ladies wet as spring, but Magnum would’ve passed, and the Face would’ve had a threesome. Hannibal and Higgins would’ve traded war stories galore, and one of them would’ve passed out from the sheer joy of it all…I need a napkin to sit on, as the thought of this is kind of over whelming!

My little up chuck of upsets.

2005-04-07T10:57:00.000-04:00

Things that are making me Bonkers at the moment:

·Nancy Greene on CNN, she is such a blithering idiot; I can’t believe she’s on the air! She’s what’s wrong with the news and media today. Her loud obnoxious jumping to conclusions style, her scrambled perception of what people say, or not letting people finish what they are saying. She’s just so awful.
·Traffic, specifically persons who speed to a red light, and don’t let you turn left into that lane. It’s a red light, you aren’t going anywhere fucker.
·The commercial with the little kid buying Gouda cheese
·Over scented co-workers
·The bad gravy I made last week (and I’m not talking poo here folks)
·People who hork
·People who leave their grocery carts in the middle of the aisle so you can’t get by with your own cart, and then these same fuckers stand super close behind you in line, and keep looking over your shoulder hoping the line is moving. It’s not, asshole.
·My closet doors, which I tore off, I’ve now put in the kitchen. Tomorrow I’m throwing them out-THE WINDOW!
·Tillsenburg
·Roll of the Rim to win. To win what, a scrap of coffee cup that says “Please Play Again” Holy fuck, as per the cup stating 1 in 9 win, that’s not fucking true. I need to win that goddamn tent set.
* That future doctor is so far away.
*That something so good as wine, Canadian drafts, crispy crunch shots, and martini's will make you puke. Especially when combined.

Things that aren’t making me bonkers

·The VW commercial where the guys accelerates into a turn and screams/laughs really, really loud and the surrounding cars
·The Food Network, I can’t stop watching it! I just can’t.
·Euchre, Texas Hold ‘Em poker
·Running (it’s only been a few days, I’ll hate it soon)
·Getting ready for a dear friend’s wedding, it’s so much fun!
·The lovely spring weather
·Ted Leo
·The move
·Café latte
·Nerd, and his yo-yo (his actual yo-yo, not his ding-dong you crazy people!)
·Baguettes and Brie with some lovely fine wine. (I was writing down that I hadn't had a drop to drink since our birthday celbration out, but I did have a couple glasses of wine last weekend with our turkey dinner. The turkey was awesome. The gravy was not.)

I did this one twice because I have so many names

2005-04-04T15:47:00.000-04:00

Aliases

Your movie star name: Poutine Ernest

Your fashion designer name is Laura Baden Baden

Your socialite name is Gelg Aix

Your fly girl / guy name is L Gal

Your detective name is Dog The Academy

Your barfly name is Muffin Martini

Your soap opera name is Melissa Brahms

Your rock star name is Hot Tamales Poo

Your star wars name is Lauhun Galmat

Your punk rock band name is The Grumpy Super Marker

The Amazing Meganame Generator

2005-04-04T15:42:00.000-04:00

Your movie star name: Chips Cecil

Your fashion designer name is Jennifer Munich

Your socialite name is Motor Boat Laura Minden

Your fly girl / guy name is J Gal

Your detective name is Dog George Stuart Henry Academy

Your barfly name is Muffin Wine

Your soap opera name is Laura Brahms

Your rock star name is Jujubes Poo

Your star wars name is Jenbac Galaar

Your punk rock band name is The Bad Eraser

The Amazing Meganame Generator

2005-04-04T15:39:00.000-04:00

You Are A Hazelnut Tree

You're a charmer with a killer sense of humor.

You are very demanding, but you can also be very understanding.

No matter what, you always make a lasting impression - you're quite popular.

Passionate, you are an active fighter for social causes and politics.

In general, you are moody, honest, a perfectionist, and very sexual.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

The Caffe Latte has KICKED in.

2005-03-30T15:27:00.000-05:00

So, I’ve decided waiting for an interview call back is like waiting for a guy you really like to call you back. ESPECIALLY when you’ve been told it’s down to you and one other person, and they call you to make sure it’s ok to check your references (they haven’t called the references though)

“It's ok baby, I really do like you” as you let the boy slip his hand down the front of your pants-and the next day you're feeling all confident, sasified and well liked. A week goes by and you don’t hear from them, you try and act all cool, but slowly, ever so slowly our eye begins to twitch, your formerly straight hair curls on it’s own, and all this pressure in your head is growing as you wait for them to call you. Also, you become a raging alcoholic.

Similar to the interview, they call you two days after your interview, tell you it’s between you and someone else and they’d like to call your references, and over a week goes by-and zip happens. So you begin to question yourself, just like when a guy says he'll call and he doesn't. Aren't I good enough? What could have I said better? Should I have smiled more? Laughed at their jokes harder? Touched their penis with my tounge?

The other thing is I just drank a large café latte, and now I’m over anxious, high on cold meds, and spacey from McTaggert’s perfume, so everything is super amplified.

The long weekend just passed though, so I’m going to wait until tomorrow until I call them, or show up on John’s doorstop…. I mean, call the HR lady.

The Sentence that makes me sure that I don't want to live in a small town

2005-03-30T10:21:00.000-05:00

"Do you want to go to the legion again tongiht?"

2005-03-30T10:20:00.000-05:00

So I’m back at work, sick as a dog, and feeling so full of snot I can’t remember what it’s like to smell and taste, nor can I talk like a normal human. Most words are more jumbled than usual, so my Mush Mouth days are in full effect.
I can, however, still smell Stinky McTaggert.
How much perfume does one wear that it can still be smelt by someone who hasn’t been able to breath out her nose for 5 days? Man alive it’s time to tone down!

I’ve decided I’m going to use my mad skillz as a ghetto troubadour and speak as MC Hammer would.
Propa.
So if you want me to respond to you, I expect you to wear Harem pants, wear heavy hardware eyeglasses and dance back and forth in front of me. Steps shaved into your head, and partial eyebrows are optional.
Thank you for you respecting my request and following them. To the letter. Pr. Op. Pa.

2005-03-21T11:06:00.000-05:00

Nerd in the Sun

Mount Tremblant

2005-03-19T21:02:00.000-05:00

Well, we're here, in Tremblant. It's been 4 hours, I'm sort of drunk, thinking a doobie would be good, and already had a few bites of tail.
Beaver tail.
Yes that's right folks, Beaver Tail. The age old wonder that is Quebec, and it's fine affliction towards Pepsi, poutine and tail of beaver. The tail tasted of cinnamon and sugar, and left a satisfying stick. Gosh, I can't tell you how proud my nice, sweet United folks would be (even though my dad did steal my mom away from her fiance, I don't think they know the depths of despair like their fellow Canadian Anne of Green gables, and Loba of the Brahms trangle.)
We're right in the village, and have already played nicky, nicky nine door with Reba and Blowmar. Those two pussies are sleeping.
We went for a walk. I danced to the local radio station dj booth set up outside Diablo and scared small children and amazed science with the endless jiggle.
Tomorrow, I'll have my second caffe lat-teh. (It's all in the pronunciation, LA-TEh, you can't tell my how many I can have, you can't tell me when I'm cut off-[I had my first La-Teh this morning, and gosh, it's good]).
Ok, peace out dudes, I's gots me some tokin' to do. It makes the skiing safer (the helmet fits better when I'm stoned).

Meowmewomeow

2005-03-17T14:15:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, when I'm talking to an upper upper, or during a job interview, I wonder if I make any sense at all. I'll start rambling, and in my head I'll be screaming "shut up shut up shut up" or "Meowmeowmeowmeow [deep brain breath]MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWmeowmeow...etc etc". Once I knew I didn't make ANY sense when they asked me to explain my answer more, and did I have anything else to add?

Once, when I was conducting an interview, this person scored 13%, out of 100%, and we tried to prompt them for more answers, gave them leading, open ended questions. Fuck they sucked ass. AND WE STILL HIRED THEM. [THIS WAS YEARS AGO, NOT AT THE DOUGHNUT FACTORY].

I've decided anyone who wears a fur coat, faux or no, that has a zipper and a hood is a prostitute, or is stuck in a bad 1980's after school special.

Yes, I know I'm generalizing, but I can do that if I want. I can also generalize that anyone who has a lazy eye was hit in the eye with some stray spunk. Hence, the lazy eye.

I can see the around your head whilst my eye chases the bumble bee.

I've also decided I live in a crazy neighborhood and I hate the TTC. Thank you. Oh, and our annoying neighbor downstairs. Just 'cause. Although I haven't seen his shoes around lately....

2005-03-14T10:32:00.000-05:00

Illustration Friday is “ancient” and I haven’t been able to do any illustrations, but when I do, it’ll be of Beatrice Arthur. Or Don Knotts.
Maybe nerd’ll draw it, and post it. I can’t be so much with the bothering part of it.

Rage issues- I sure hope I don’t have any!

2005-03-10T17:47:00.000-05:00

The other night I ripped off my closet doors, and now they are leaning against the wall of my bedroom.
I hope that doesn’t indicate I have rage…
Tonight I might just rip off Peach’s. Just 'cause…
So I think that indicates I DON’T have rage, I just want to rip things is all.
You know, it ain’t no big thing G.
Shit yo.

I pity the fool who gets Murdock's blood.

2005-03-09T15:38:00.000-05:00

http://stuffo.howstuffworks.com/a-team-finding.htm/printable

The above link is in search of the A-Team, and it's super ass funny.
Check it out Chud Wad.

New Wad's

2005-03-09T09:47:00.000-05:00

Pork Wad
Poon Wad
Pork Juice Wad
Poon Juice Wad

I think I'm done.

2005-03-08T15:41:00.000-05:00

I've decided I'm going to call Wren: Granola Wad.
Peach will be Burger King Wad
Future Doctor will be Hairy Balls Wad
Nerd will be Food on Face Wad.

Somebody will be Crazy Wig Wad, and someone else will be Runny Wad.

All askew and shit

2005-03-08T10:56:00.000-05:00

So I think I'm going to start to wear a wig, just a little askew, that doesn't fit quite right, and act all natural and shit, like I don't even have an ill fitting wig slightly askew on my rather large cranium. Also, I might put a water pack up in it's weaving and start to 'sweat' profusely whilst eating my gravy laden lunch.

I may even run my fingers through it's matted tresses and pull it off my head in the lunch room at work. I'll pretend it's not stuck on my fingers and psoddibly wipe the counter with it and sing really loudly, like Crazy Train or You Got What I Need by Biz Markie. I will however still pull out a cracked hand mirror from my garbage bag purse to help in my placement of it, and ask Kermit if my "hair" looks as good as her "hair" (Hopefully it will be on ponytail day). I'll tell her that mine is named "Lurlene", and that I have "Nicole"at home, but save her for special occasions.

Special occasions such as my traveling road show of interpretive dance (Gloria, 9-5, Don't Stop Moving [S-Club stylings], DIVORCE and Working for the weekend) and backyard wrestling.

My most specialist wig will come out though when I go to wine tasting or scotch tastings. Her name will be Mr. T.

huh, I like to organize and have order? Well I'll be...

2005-03-07T11:46:00.000-05:00

Summary of Supervisors·
Bring order to their home and work life ·
Like to act on clear, achievable goals ·
Think of themselves as stable, practical and sociable ·
May be irritated when people don't follow procedures

More about Supervisors
Supervisors like to make plans, organise people and get things done efficiently. They are natural administrators who dislike chaos and strive to bring order to every aspect of their lives. Supervisors like jobs where the goals are clearly defined and there are proven work methods in place.
Supervisors are most likely to say they prefer a job which involves a series of separate projects, according to a UK survey.
Supervisors use logic to solve problems and believe in being open and direct in their communications with others. They prefer to work and socialise with like-minded people.In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Supervisors may reject the opinions of others and insist they are right. Under extreme stress, Supervisors may feel cut off from the people around them and lose confidence in their own ability to cope.
Because they like to take charge and organise activities, others may find Supervisors too bossy.

Supervisor Careers
Supervisors are often drawn to jobs in management or administration that require logical planning.

I'm apparently a planner, think with my head, I like that facts, and am an extrovert.

(Stinky Mctaggert is freaking out on someone on the phone. My word! Does not handle people her telling her how to fix mistakes that she made. Eeeppp!)