Thursday, January 27, 2005

VENTI

Today there was an accident on the DVP, and for the last couple of weeks traffic has been AWFUL! Even for the DVP. It's taken me up to an hour to get to work, when it's not snowing, on a clear day, and I only have to go 11 km.
I had a dentist appointment, and was late.
Oh, and my car got stuck half on the drive way, half on the road due to snow, and it being totally, mind blowing cold, it stalled too. Stuck/stalled half in the road, half in the drive way in line with traffic, tried to push it, but couldn't-didn't even phase me after all I've been through with the car.

Then decided to go to get a Starbucks, which means I had to go to the mall because being the suburbs, our starbucks are in malls, not on every corner. In the process I nearly got run over by elderly mall walkers. They'd as soon as kill you if you got in the way of their 30th lap around the mall. One guy was even pacing along side of me, and as his ricketed legs pumped and zoomed past me, I decided with reaffirmed conviction I would go to my damn spinning class.

I got my coffee and biscotti, paid for with about three gift cards (each had about 82 cents on them) and then went to the wash room-of course.
I set my coffee on the sink counter to wash my hands, and when I lifted up my coffee, I guess I did it by the lid, and spilled a full, piping hot venti everywhere! EVERYWHERE!!! On the counter, on me, my hands especially-and as is the norm, on my freshly dry cleaned wool coat-worn for the first time this season, on the floor-especially on the floor.

Being a bathroom, you'd think there'd be paper towel, NO PAPER towels, and I feared that if I went to get someone to inform them of my mess, that a patron would come in and slip, so I tried to do some (eww, I just sneezed literal chunks of something all over my keyboard and hands. What did I eat today that was orange?) quick cleaning up and I used the so thin it's see through toilet paper. Yards of it. Just to get the worst of it sopped up.

I totally felt like a little kid, even as I push thirty, I'm a still this insecure little kid who's worried that they done bad. (When we went to see the house my parents wanted to buy, I totally had to take a dump, and I was afraid to use the toilet. Nerd told me I was being a retard and it would be fine if I did as my dumps are liquid so it's like I was peeing, but I was still afraid, and he's thirty, so he's older than me and therefore more adult and can tell me what to do. But no, I still had to ask my mom if it was ok if I used the bathroom. Even then I still went to the basement to use that bathroom, as I had tired to use the one upstairs, but everyone was in the next room so I couldn't.)

When a lady walked into the rest room, I'm like:
"I'm so sorry, I spilled coffee, please be careful"
and she's like, shrugging her shoulders,"accidents happen", and I want to cry at this point-I know, I'm crazy, it's coffee, it was an accident and nobody got hurt, except for my burnt fingers-so as I run out of the bathroom to find somebody, a Chapters lady is walking in and I tell her
"I spilled coffee, I'm sorry" big, shaking breath in.
She says, "that's what mops are for!" big smile.
I have to leave the starbucks at Chapters and go buy a replacement at a different coffee shop because I'm so embarrassed.

How crazy is that? I've learned, with my IBS, to take liquid breaks in public-sometimes even in Holt Renfrew because I'm so sweaty and about to pass out from the cramps and clenching! But if I spill coffee? I'm an embarrassment to myself. That's so totally out of whack man. I should totally be like "It ain't no big thing G, I'm just waiting to get Magnum's ghetto love and I spilled a coffee in the meantime. Shit yo."

As well, I told a total lie yesterday. I'm getting bolder, normally I save my 'stories' when I'm drunk in the back of a cab, telling the driver I'm going to see my fiance who is a paramedic and I'm a lawyer, or that my roommate is engaged, and I'm gay. Or one of my nutty stories...that I can't always remember the next day. Although I'll never forget the time, because someone retold me it the next day when I was sober, I convinced someone I drank out of the toilet because I lived next to lake Ontario and the toilet water was better than the tap water....

Anywhore, I was buying a wedding magazine (crazy act number 5 (after trying on engagement rings) as it's soooo far away, and I'm not engaged, and in fact I'm single (or really, will be if I keep up the craziness!!!)) and the cashier was like, is this for you? Are you getting married?
Me "Yes" Total straight face, then cracked a big, excited smile
"When?"
"Not for at least a year, we just got engaged, and we want to wait, we like the idea of a longer engagement"
"Yeah, that's cool"
"Yes, we just got the engagement part over with, so now we want to ease into the wedding and it's planning"
"Well, Congratulations"
ME "Hehehe, thanks!"

It's already been established, I think before I was born, that I'm going to hell, but this totally cements the expressway and special exit they are making for me to go straight to hell on. Plus I think I'm getting my own wing, for laughing at people at the gym who can't keep time with the instructor or music beat, and then wanting to kill them.

Posted by Loba @ 1:43 p.m.