Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Good Times as a Heathen

When I was a child, I remember being at a friend’s house quite often. She lived down the street from us, and had 5 older siblings, which was always a shock to my senses- going to her noisy house that actually had junk food in it-that you were allowed to eat!!!!
I have this distinct memory though, of watching the Pope on TV, and hers being a strict catholic family, the whole family gathered around the set to watch. He might have been in Canada for all I know, but it was this huge event, and he was driving around in his Bubble Pope Mobile, like a super hero, and I said, to the whole damn family:

“I don’t like the Pope, he has stupid hats.”

Silence.

Cut to Loba being kicked out and Loba running home.

How the hell was I suppose to know that was offensive? I was a six year old, at the time being raised in the United Church, who’s senses were on over load from all the craziness of a home with six kids and junk food-that I could actually eat!!!!

I also never understood the saying “Is the Pope Catholic?” either. Which was generally stated after one said something stupid, but me being a bit stupid (apparently) would retort, “I don’t know, is he?” Again, little United kid, clearly did not know that the Pope is Catholic! All I knew was there was some old hunched man who would ride around in a bubble mobile with stupid, tall, pointy hats waving at people, who could cause a kid to be kicked out of the junk food house if you made fun of his hats.
Side note-they also had a picture of him above the chesterfield in a red outfit-tell me that just doesn’t scream SUPER HERO? Go on tell me, and I’ll point to his super hero car, and the sequences that that adorn his clothing.

A few years later on a family vacation to Myrtle Beach, where more than half the Canadian teachers would meet during March Break, whilst the parents were having happy hour in somebody’s room (different room each night), I was in the hot tub with a few kids from one of the family’s. Low and behold, they were religious.
(Please bear in mind I don’t remember doing this, but my mom sure does, because she got a phone call the day after the proceeding incident occurred, which she recounted to me a few years ago.)
And what does a 10 year old, United, Never Learns Her Lesson, Loba say?

“There is no God”

Yes, my friends, that’s right, there is not God, how precious was I? Man Alive!

Mind you, I think I was a pretty smart kid for knowing this, but whatever, I was ahead of my time, and as with most genius’s they are never fully appreciated until they are dead.

WELL! My mom got a call the next day, and the parent of these three children was very, very concerned with me (mind you she could let her three kids under 12 go to a hot tub without supervision, but this was different, more simple time my friends). I, apparently, was a HEAHTEN.
(I think Mrs. W had to whisper the word)
My mother, bless her heart, upon being told her precious only daughter is a Heathen proceeds to explain it’s merely a phase, and I’ll grow out of it.

My poor, poor parents. All the churching and polite, no swearing, no yelling up bringing couldn’t get the heathen out of me. My parents have no heathen in them, so I think I got it all… and then some.

Posted by Loba @ 2:49 p.m.