Friday, February 04, 2005

Have a seat in the reception area and fill this out please...

I went to see a specialist yesterday for a degenerative disc I have in my jaw, and have to be fitted for special mouth guards. As well I need to deal with insurance, which isn't fun because apparently I'm paying for insurance that nobody can tell me if I'm covered or not.

Anywhore, my specialist also turns out to be my former orthodontist, the one that used to call my brother "ANDJEW", really angry like, such as "ANDJEW, you do NOT wear your retainer enough, ANDJEW" "ANDJEW, you must wear your neck gear and not give it to the dog to chew on ANDJEW". My brother's name is Andrew, so I guess that's close enough. (Side bar, my brother is a police officer, so I think Dr. W would now call him Pig.)

Dr. W now has braces, and his braces were full of food yesterday, it was gross. He's an orthodontist, you'd think he'd know better than not to check his teeth.
His office has totally changed too, it's all computerized and shit, and I walk up to the reception desk where three ladies were sitting, and I'm like "Hello, I'm here for my 2. 30, it's Loba Wind" and they just stared at me. Finally one said, "you have to check in using that computer screen" Oh! How the FUCK am I suppose to know that? There's three woman at the desk and I'm suppose to know that I go to a computer that's tucked into a corner and start fiddling with a computer to sign in?
They were like "I guess you haven't been here in a while, it's all changed now" It's been 11 years since I've been there, so you think? HOW. THE. FUCK. AM. I. SUPPOSE. TO. KNOW. THAT. I. USE. A. COMPUTER. TO. SIGN. IN?
So I get signed in, and then I have to fill out a questionnaire since I haven't been since I was 17. It has all these medical questions, and I'm starting to fill out more in the yes column than ever before. Have you have major surgery? Yes, three times. Have you ever been treated for kidney problems? Yes. Have you had an ulcer? Yes....Do you suffer from chronic rhea?....Yeeeessssss....What on earth does my rhea have to do with being at a crazy ortho's office? Are they worried I'm going to splatter in the patient's chair? Do they think I'll be so comfortable and relaxed in the reclining position, I'll relax my bowels and let all hell break loose?

On a quick side note, I wouldn't by a used car with a sticker in the windshield that says "RECKLESS ABANDON."

I get in to see Dr. W, bear in mind that this is the man who 12 years ago complained that I couldn't open my mouth wide enough for him to work properly and I should just suck up the pain, and learn to deal with the pain. And that I couldn't be on anti-inflamitories all my life (which I only took when it got really bad and couldn't turn my head). This is a man who now specializes in TMJ, which is now known as TMD, and charges an ARM AND a LEG for mouth guards. It's all about the Benjamins my friends.

So as I'm being talked to like a four year old about my problem, I can't stop staring at his foody teeth, and hearing his condescending voice, and it totally reminds me of when I would sit in the waiting room while my brother had his appointments, and listening to him yell at ANDJEW from the waiting room, and I have to bit into my cheek to stop from laughing right in his pinched little face.

I now have to get an apparatus that is very expensive that may or may not be covered by insurance-my insurer couldn't tell me. I have to send in a predetermination- I think I'll chronic diarhera everywhere and maybe I'll get some answers.

Posted by Loba @ 10:58 a.m.